What in the World is "An Enhanced Virtual Driver?"

An ad that replays often during the sports-talk radio programs that I listen to on my car radio has two guys talking.  One says, "I played St. Andrews last week."  The other questions, "But, that's in Scotland, were you out of the country?"  "No," says the one, "I was playing it on my computer..."

Come to find out there is a website you can join that will allow you to "play" all the great golf courses of the world.  "Its just like being there," says the one guy in the ad.

And, if you sign-up to join this website you will receive...wait...wait for it..."An Enhanced Virtual Driver!"

Oh my goodness, sign me up!

No, not really.

OK, by definition "virtual golf" isn't real golf, its a simulation of real golf.

This is a picture of an actual driver, ready to strike a real golf ball.  That's a real tee holding that real golf ball, and the real tee is pushed down into real grass and real dirt.  Really.  Not virtually.

Virtual.  There's virtual almost everything these days.  Virtual sports, virtual classrooms, virtual churches, virtual dating, virtual communication.  Virtual.  Not real.  Simulated.  Not actual.

My guess is that some folks...maybe too many folks, prefer to deal with the virtual instead of the real. 

Virtual is safe, of course.  Real can be scary. 

Virtual can be controlled.  Real can hardly ever be tamed.

Virtual is contained within an electronic device.  Real is never contained.

Virtual can be adjusted to fit your skill-level or competency or desire.  Real will challenge every skill and competency and desire you have, every minute of every day.

This is a picture of the real St. Andrews golf course.  In the real country of Scotland.

I confess I have only played virtual golf on an arcade game console and a home game system hooked up to a large screen TV.  I sucked at it.  And, I didn't enjoy playing it much at all.  (I also am not that great at real golf, but I do enjoy playing it.  A lot.)

But.  But, I still wanna know what in the wide world of sport "An Enhanced Virtual Driver" is, and why I should find this a good reason to sign-up to play a not-real game.  (And, how much of a disadvantage am I at if I choose to use just a "Regular Virtual Driver?"

Oh.  If I carry more than 14 virtual golf clubs in my virtual golf bag while virtually playing the virtual St. Andrews course, is that a virtual penalty?

Do I have to pay a virtual caddy?

Do I have to wear a shirt with a collar while playing virtual golf?

I'm done here.  Really.

Favorite Hang-Outs...

I was born in 1945.

And so, when I talk here about places I used to hang-out, I am talking about the 1950s and early 60s. 

I have never visited this corner hang-out, but it looks like a cool place for friends to gather and chew the fat, shoot the bull, swap lies, or whatever else friends might do at a place like this.

This looks like a fine hang-out.  I could picture the crowd I used to run with eating ice cream cones and passing time at a place like this.

The State Fair...on a hot August night...could be a great place to hang-out.  Eat some elephant ears, drink a lemon shake-up, maybe bite into whatever crazy thing is being deep-fried that year. 

The Soda Bar...on the main street in New Carlisle...I did hang-out there.  During my high school years, the Soda Bar was the place to hang out...during lunch break, after school, after the game.  Great burgers.  Couple pinball machines.  Juke box.  Great place.

Bonnie Doone's was a cool place to hang-out when I was a teenager.  Grape flavored malts...oh yeah, I loved those things.

Not Robertsons Department Store...look further down the street, on the right-hand side...yeah, the State Theatre.  With your girl, that was a great place to hang-out. 

Oh well, nostalgia is a wonderful thing, isn't it?  Are you remembering some of the places you and your friends used to hang-out...back in the day?

My guess is that you are smiling a bit while you do that remembering.

Politics and Religion...Scary Stuff

Everyone of us has heard the warning: Never discuss Politics or Religion!

Its scary what can happen when we fail to observe that warning.  Even though Politics is how we socially organize ourselves, and Religion is how we morally and ethically organize ourselves, it just won't do to have folks talking with each other about those subjects...because...because we don't just hold views on those subjects, we hold positions on those subjects.

And like the really old cigarette commercial observes, "We (Us Tareyton smokers) would rather fight than switch!"

So, no discussion about Politics or Religion from me today...just some pictures.

And just two more...to kinda tone the argument(s) down a notch or so:

Signing out...

Keep It Between the Ditches...

The guest preacher at my church last Sunday said something like, "To get where you want to go in life just look straight ahead, keep going, and keep it between the ditches."
The "it" was the vehicle he imagined himself in as he headed down the road of life.  The "keep it between the ditches" phrase was something his older brother had told him as he was teaching the guest preacher to drive...when both of them were young teenagers.

Look straight ahead, keep going, and keep it between the ditches.  That was his advice to the congregation, as he encouraged us to be about the life-long task of pursuing social justice issues.

Good advice, that.  Hard to pull off, that.

Wonder what it is that each of us is walking straight toward.

Whatever the prize that we have our eyes on up the road ahead, over there in the ditches to our right and left are some very scary things.  So, look straight ahead, keep going, and keep it between the ditches.

Get off track and fall in a ditch and you may find yourself too satisfied with whatever distance you have already come.  You may settle for the status quo.  You just could get comfortable down in that cozy ditch.  Shoot, you could just decided to call off the trek.

Some thoughts offered by others, wiser than me, come to mind:

~I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have changed several times since then.  -Lewis Carroll

~God is right there in the thick of our day-by-day lives...trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world.  -Frederick Beuchner

~Journeying god, pitch your tent with mine so that I may not become deterred by hardship, strangeness, doubt.  Show me the movement I must make toward a wealth not dependent on possessions, toward a wisdom not based on books, toward a strength not bolstered by might, toward a god not confined to heaven.
             -portion of a traditional prayer song from Ghana

And this one, from Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
~Until you die...its all life.

Look straight ahead, keep going, and keep it between the ditches.

Simple Truths

I have a really good book to recommend: Simple Truths by Stephen Bauman.  It was published in 2006 by Abingdon Press.  Bauman delivers a daily one-minute inspirational message on WCBS radio in New York City.  This book is a compilation of some of those messages.

I was re-reading the book recently and began listing some short Simple Truths that I have picked up over my 68 years of living, and 40 years of ministry.  The list will turn into a sermon to be delivered at St. Mark's United Methodist Church in Bloomington (where I serve as one of the pastors) in early 2014.

Here are some Simple Truths:

-The Creator really does love us, and really is committed to our redemption…

 -Grace is at the true center of our Creator and Redeemer…

 -The Redeemer just could be at work in all the world, in all people, and even in all faith systems…

 -Divine grace is bestowed on me, and on people other than me…

 -The hope of this world is the unlimited and loving patience of the One who created us all…

 -I am expected to forgive, to be merciful, and to love…

 -Even though it troubles me, it is nonetheless true that the Creator loves my enemies as much as me…

 -We human beings are most near perfection when we love each other…

-Like it or not, we are known by how we live, how we live together, how we treat one another, how we spend our time, our money, and our energy…

-We can choose to reflect grace to the world around us, or not…
 
-We can practice a faith that is rock-solid compassion at its core, and porous at its edges…or we can practice a faith that is all about hard-edged exclusion, encrusted in ancient creeds, and couched in terrible prejudice…
 
-Who we are becoming is entirely up to us…

-We truly are compelled to act in the world…

 

But then, I am reminded that:

 

What They Don't Know...

I thought about it for some time, and finally I did it.  It turned out really well, I think.  It doesn't take up much space in the living room...and my wife, Pretty Lady, so far tolerates it quite well.  So far.

Two big blankets, three kitchen table chairs...that's all it took.  It sets on some plush carpet, so flooring was not an issue.  I have a small clip-on reading light for times I am in it during evening hours.

That's not my blanket-tent, but its close enough for you to get the idea of what I've got going here in...oops, I almost let my location slip!

Mine is covered in aluminum foil.  It took just over five large rolls of the stuff to do the trick.

The aluminum foil is, as you know, applied so that the NSA cannot do any snooping into parts of my life that I would like to remain private.

The NSA (National Security Agency) is supposed to monitor the globe!  Seriously, the whole damn globe!  It is tasked with collecting, decoding, and translating information and data..."including surveillance of targeted individuals on U.S. soil."  And they are sneaky...that's where the aluminum foil comes in handy.  The NSA is "authorized to accomplish its mission through clandestine means."

Phone calls.  The NSA is listening to everything you say in every call you make or receive.  Except for political robo-calls.  Even the NSA thinks those things are just stupid.

The same with texts.  Or any communication you may engage in using your fancy-schmancy really expensive "phone."  They probably do the same with me and my flip-phone, but it doesn't require as many spy-hours as it does with all the "smart" phone folks. 

(On October the 23rd, Pope Francis, speaking to prison chaplains said, "No cell is so isolated that it can keep the Lord out."  He probably could have gone on to say that, "No cell phone is so private that it can keep the NSA out."  And if the Pope could have said it, you know if has to be by-God true!)

Surfing on the computer.  Yeah, the NSA is all over that.  Think about how the sites you visit play-out among a bunch of spy-types in a bunkered headquarters building, ten stories underground just outside the belt-way.  That's why I bought the aluminum foil.

I am considering a hot plate and small coffee maker for my blanket-tent.  That way the NSA won't be able to monitor how much not-good-for-me food I eat, and how many gallons of Starbucks coffee I drink in a day.

My aluminum foil covered blanket-tent also repels any spy-rays that are beamed into my house from those drones that appear in my backyard every Tuesday and Saturday.

It used to be fairly easy to detect spies, back in the good old days of "Bond.  James Bond."  But nowadays the NSA is all in to that "clandestine" thing.  And they are taking the "whole damn globe" thing way too serious, also.

So, I got me a blanket-tent.  Aluminum foil covered.  I wasn't born yesterday, ya know.  (And I'm not sayin' exactly when I was born...that would make it too easy for them.")

Taking the Golf Clubs out of the Car...

First off, I don't own a car.  I own an SUV.  Secondly, I don't know what the name is for the storage area in an SUV.  In a car, its a trunk.  I still call the storage area of my vehicle a trunk...but maybe its more correctly the way-back.  My struggle with that whole storage area and type of vehicle was resolved by just giving this rant the title, "Taking the Golf Clubs out of the Car."

That's the model and color of vehicle I own. 

During much of the year...roughly April thru October...I keep my golf clubs in my SUV.  I only play golf, on average, once a week during this time but just having those clubs with me wherever I travel opens the possibility that I might find a way to sneak off and play 9 or 18 holes.

Those are not my golf clubs.  And that is not my golf bag.  My clubs are specially crafted for "senior" players...a different type of flex in the composite shaft, and maybe even a more forgiving "sweet spot" on the club-head.  (Trust me, I need all the age-appropriate help I can get with this crazy sport.)

My golf bag is quite old...and is close to needing replacement.  It also is blue and gold, and has Notre Dame logo on it.

This is what I will be giving up until about next April.  Sigh. 

The weather has turned cold here at the northern border of Southern Indiana.  Snow flurries are in the weather forecast.  It was 31 degrees outside when I woke up this morning.

Its just a seasonal thing, I guess...the clubs will be back in the Honda soon enough.  But it got me to wondering about all the things we set aside over a lifetime.

Activities...you can think of many that are abandoned as the aging body can no longer do what it used to do.

People...the ones that are left behind because of graduating from school, moving to a new place, getting a new job, divorce, death, a "falling-out."

Beliefs...about how the world operates, how life is constructed, what is "right" and what is "wrong," the role of religion and faith in the business of living day-to-day.  (I have said and written many, many times that, "There comes a time to stop believing the unbelievable.")

Memberships and Associations...with groups, organizations, and causes that once were important to you, but now are not. 

But golf.  Oh my, golf is about to be set aside for another winter...with the hope and expectation that it will be back in the spring.  There are some very important things in our lives that need to be seasonal.  They remain important in our lives exactly because they on-purpose show up again and again.

Sigh.

No Yankees in the Post-Season...

The regular major league baseball season has been over for a couple weeks now.  There's a new wrinkle in the Playoffs this time around, with five teams from each league (American and National) making it to the post-season. 

When the ten teams were finally known, I chose the Detroit Tigers and the Pittsburgh Pirates to face off in the World Series.  The Tigers are still alive and fighting for the American League Championship.  The Pirates took an early exit and are probably playing golf by now. 

But here's the shocker: The New York Yankees didn't make it to the post-season!  Usually, they do.  No such luck this year.  Wait til next year!  That's what my Chicago Cubs fan friends say every year. 

The Yankees will make it back to the post-season again.  Probably sooner than later.  And they will make it to the World Series again.  Sooner than later.  And they will win their 28th World Series Championship.  Yup...sooner than later.

But baseball really is more than just a game.  Its philosophy.  And hope.  And drama.  And theology.  And the promise of life eternal.  OK, maybe not that last one.  Maybe.

See what I mean:

"Its wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn't used to like."
"There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them."
"You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living."
(Those three quotes are from Casey Stengel...long-time manager of both the Yankees and the Mets.)

"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"The game isn't over until its over."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
(And, those three quotes are from Yogi Berra...also a player and manger with both the Yankees and the Mets.)

"Its a great day for a ball game; let's play two!"
"You must try to generate happiness within yourself.  If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace."
(Those two are from Ernie Banks..."Mr. Cub.")

"Why does everyone talk about the past?  All that counts is tomorrow's game."
(From Roberto Clemente...great ball player; wonderful humanitarian.)

"It is dangerous for an athlete to believe his own publicity, good or bad."
(From Bob Uecker...average player but quite famous announcer.)

Like I said, baseball really is more than just a game.  Its philosophy.  And hope.  And drama.  And theology.  And the promise of life eternal.  OK, maybe not that last one.  Maybe.

Someplace Else...

I live in Bloomington.  A very nice and decent-sized town in what is just about the northern boundary of southern Indiana.

I grew up in Lydick.  A very small little burg just west of South Bend (and Notre Dame!), and just about a half-hour drive from the Michigan border.

I moved from Lydick to Los Angeles!  Yeah.  All that.

Just shy of five years after moving to L.A. I moved to Indianapolis.  Between Indianapolis and Bloomington, I have lived in Jeffersonville (on the Ohio River just across that river from Louisville), Indianapolis again, Greencastle (about an hour drive due west of Indy...home of DePauw University), Indianapolis one more time, Vincennes (the oldest city in Indiana...right on the border with Illinois), Avon (a fast-growing suburb on Indy's west side...in a neighboring county)...and, as I stated above: (Now) I live in Bloomington.

I think in all those places (with perhaps one exception) I have felt "at home."  I moved from Indianapolis the first time...and all subsequent moves...because of my job.  I think in all those places (with perhaps one exception) I liked my job.

I have, from time to time, wished I was someplace else.  Ft. Myers Beach, Florida comes to mind.  And the southwestern part of our country...maybe New Mexico or Arizona.  The only place I have previously lived that I have thought I might like to go back to is L.A.  I have returned to Indianapolis often...as the above itinerary shows...maybe back there.  Maybe.

The great Yogi Berra once said: "If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up someplace else."

Trouble is that someplace else is always someplace else.

Kinda like wishing to be in sometime else. 

Or maybe like wishing to be someone else.

Being comfortable with when and where and who you are is a really big deal, don't you think?

Still, the sun and sand of Ft. Myers Beach is very inviting.

Nonsense

Being serious all the time is a real drag.
I can't imagine what it would be like to never just do or think something nonsensical...can you?

And so...just because I can:

~You non-conformists are all the same.

~I know it sounds like I'm in denial.  But I'm not.

~Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.  -Albert Einstein

~Nonsense is so good only because common sense is so limited.  -Santayana

~Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.       -Albert Einstein

~When you arrive at a fork in the road, take it.    -Yogi Berra

~The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.        -Carl Jung

~Always remember, money isn't everything - but always remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.     -Earl Wilson

~The evolution of sense is, in a sense, the evolution of nonsense.
 -Vladimir Nabokov

~The world is nonsense: what looks beautiful in the morning looks ugly in the evening.    -Maltese Proverb

And finally...just so I can feel good about posting this blog, and you can feel good about reading it...

~To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.  -Gelett Burgess

War and Peace (not the book)...

If you are my age (68) or thereabouts, you probably remember the song by Edwin Starr that contained this lyric:
"War! What is it good for?  Absolutely nothin'."

Great song.  Easy to see why the lyrics spoke to a generation of young people ready for the war in Vietnam to be over and done with.  Surely singing about no more war is much easier than actually putting an end to war.

However, given our nation's involvement in a couple of continuing wars...that seem to have been going on...like, forever...peace-in-place-of-war seems as urgent today as it did in 1970 (when Starr's record was released).

There are no doubt many reasons for war.  I would guess that most of those reasons are just silliness...and vengeance...and aggression...and nastiness.  There may be a time and a situation when war is none of those things.  There may be.  But then again...

Peace must really be hard to achieve.  We achieve is so seldom.  Oh, we achieve an end to hostilities, but achieving peace is a whole other thing.  And it must be really hard to achieve.  Maybe war is easier.

I wish war wasn't so easily resorted to by peoples and nations.  I wish peace was pursued as vigorously as war...I doubt that it is.

I remember Jimmy Carter saying that, "War may sometimes be a necessary evil.  But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good."

And, the very next time our country is ready to do the easy thing, instead of the hard thing...I hope somebody plants this sign smack in front of the place where such decisions are made...

What is the Proper Use of The Holy Bible?

As often as not, the book known as the Bible, is labeled The Holy Bible.  That's a pretty big set-up for a book. 
Look up the word "holy" and you will find something like this: "Specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority...dedicated or devoted to the service of God."
And since it is the Bible, it is clear that this Holy book is about a particular understanding of God. 

What is the intended...the proper use of The Holy Bible?

Maybe it is as an award given to children for memorizing certain Bible verses, or for completing Confirmation Class.

Maybe it is as a convenient place to record important family events...births, deaths, marriages, etc.

Maybe it is as a resource for those who put together sermons or other religious presentations.

Maybe it is as an authority to quote (or mis-quote) in the heat of an argument.

Maybe it is as a devotional book for personal use.

Maybe it is as an easy reference for too often uninformed politicians wanting to endear themselves to folks they think are drawn to a particular slant on the information contained in the over 60 individual books that have become the compiled work known as The Holy Bible.

Well, that a pretty harsh view of The Holy Bible.  But there is a whole lotta truth that ought not be missed in the words under the picture.

What would be the proper use of this book?

Probably there are millions of answers to that question.  Probably suggesting just one is very suspect.

So let me answer with this...an answer that seems right to me:
It is a great starting place to learn of many attempts over hundreds of years by scores of individuals to understand and act on the relationship of humankind to its creator...its source...its ultimate end.

And then...put the book down and start acting on your own understanding of your relationship to God and all of God's creatures and creation.

 

And life goes on.

Always Drink Upstream from the Herd (And other Farmer Truths)...

 

 

These days, most of us have no first-hand knowledge about farming; maybe a little gardening, but not full-out farming.  I did not grow up on a farm.  My father was pretty clear on the fact that my brother and I would be responsible for the cultivating and weeding of a good-sized garden plot out behind our house, but that does not qualify me as a farmer of any sort.

However, having grown up in Indiana, I have been aware of the farmer-truth that if you want a good yield of corn, it should be “knee-high by the fourth of July.”  You don’t question that kind of knowledge, you just abide by it.

 

Just as you don’t question the wisdom of these farmer-truths, you just abide by them:
-Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.
- Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
- A bumble bee is faster than a tractor.

 

In a story about farming, Jesus said this, to those who would listen:
“A farmer went out to sow seed. Some of it fell on the road; it was tramped down and the birds ate it. Other seed fell in the gravel; it sprouted, but withered because it didn’t have good roots. Other seed fell in the weeds; the weeds grew with it and strangled it. Other seed fell in rich earth and produced a bumper crop.
“…the seed in the good earth—these are the good-hearts who seize the Word and hold fast no matter what, sticking with it until there’s a harvest.”

 

Here’s a truth…to be learned whether one is a farmer or not…from what Jesus said:

-The “Good-Hearts” are the folks you want to be like.  (He didn’t say this, but if he had it wouldn’t be out of character from what we think we know about him: “You don’t question great truths, you just abide by them.”)

The good-hearts are women and men who hold fast to the truth about God… 
…through thick and thin;
…through good times and bad times;
…through prosperity and adversity;
…come rain or shine;
…come hell or high water.
…the good-hearts hold fast to the truth that nothing in all creation can come between them and God’s love for them.

The good-hearts are women and men who keep themselves open to all the times and places where the truth about God may be found.
…who hold fast to what Jesus is offering to each and all of us.
…who hold fast to the truth that our value is more in our “being” than it is in our “doing.”
…who hold fast to the truth that we are absolutely worthy of God’s love.
…who hold fast to the possibility that we may not get everything we want, but life will be alright anyway.
…who hold fast to the truth that love of God and love of neighbor is the basis for any true spiritual discipline.

 

 

Perhaps God comes to us disguised as “our next moment.”

And in that next moment we can choose to be the Good-Hearts, holding fast to the truth about God until the harvest comes in.

 

And here are two more farmer-truths:
- When you wallow with the pigs, expect to get dirty.
- Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Doorways that Lead to Who Knows Where...

I can still remember the doorway in the house I grew up in..."that" doorway...the one right in front of you as you entered the hallway that led to either the dining room or the living room..."the" doorway that led to the basement!

I did go down into the basement many times...but the stairway was steep and narrow, and the lighting "down there" consisted on one bare 100-watt bulb that, when it burned out, you would need to replace using a flashlight to see what you were doing.

If there were windows in that basement, I do not remember them.

There have been other doorways..."those" doorways...in my life.  And they have been there in your life, too.

Doorways that lead to who knows where. 
-The first day of school is probably one those doorways.
-Most likely your first love is one of those doorways.
-The first time you decide for yourself to do something you know is wrong, and it just might have some fairly bad consequences, is one of those doorways.
-First job...finding your career...retirement:  Each is one of those doorways.
-The birth of your child(ren) is the kind of doorway we are talking about.
-A bad diagnosis from the doctor...approaching death: yup.

Where do doorways like these lead to?  They lead to "who knows where."  They lead to "heaven only knows."  They lead to "I'll be danged if I know."

And what to do?  What to do?  Walk through that doorway...or turn around and walk back the way you came?  What to do?

I remember a line from the Eagles' "Hotel California," when the singer is standing at the doorway and thinks to himself, "This could be heaven or this could be hell."  Doorways that lead to who knows where.

Here are some words from actress Gilda Radner that are very instructive about doorways in life:
"I wanted a perfect ending.  Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end.  Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.  Delicious Ambiguity."

So yeah, it could be heaven or it could be hell.  Or, it could be that you are at the intersection of mercy and grace...and that doorway in front of you could lead not to the dark scary basement, but the next best thing on your path through life.  Delicious Ambiguity.

There is no ideal world for you to wait around for.  The world is always just what it is now, and its up to you how you respond to it.  (-that, from Isaac Marion)

So, what door do you want...number 1, number 2, or number 3?  They all lead to who knows where.